Juggling the Balls of Life


Culture

I'm not the first working mom. I'm not the first to want to take a stance on this topic. I'm one of millions, and I know that fully. I don't have a "secret sauce" formula. But what I do have is an answer, a point of view. I keep getting asked the same questions and I'd like to answer them here. That's the only premise for this content.


Yes, I have three kids. Yes, I work full time. Yes, my husband does too. No, we haven’t tipped the scale of it not making financial sense for me not to work. And P.S. - even if it didn’t make sense, I like what I do and would try hard to find a way to make it work. Yes, we have piles of laundry. Yes, sometimes dinner consists of only scrambled eggs, jelly toast, and maybe some fruit (fruit snacks count). And yes one of us has left the house without undies on and mismatched socks on multiple occasions.

Balance - Acknowledge You Need It 

Super hero figurine

Life. It’s not perfect, but it works for us and that’s what matters. It’s all about balance, planning, and support. Over the years I’ve learned to juggle the “balls of life”. Sometimes one hits the floor but I’ve caught it on the rebound and kept moving. I know it sounds cliché but finding balance is important and necessary. It’s something that I’ve had to consciously focus on and it's allowed me to be a working wife and mother of three. What that means to each person is different. Balance between home life and work life. Balance between what you have to do and what you aspire to do. Balance between top priorities and which is the most impactful and is really the top priority. 

Balance to me is focusing on what’s in front of me and setting boundaries. If I’m at work, I’m working. If I’m at home, I’m with my family. As things come across my desk at work I quickly determine if they are urgent and I need to shift my focus to it or if I can add it to the queue. It’s inefficient and ineffective to jump every time someone comes to you with an issue or fire or a “we need to discuss” scenario. If you allow it, everything will be a fire and need your attention now. Find balance in what’s critical and what can wait.

Setting boundaries can be as simple as shutting your office door while you’re writing a blog or putting your earbuds in while you’re designing a web page or blocking time off on your calendar and setting your phone on do not disturb when you’re working on a project. These are all physical boundaries that keep people from interrupting your focus and progress. Setting mental boundaries is a whole other topic. These are more like guardrails that keep you from falling off the cliffside into the rushing rapids of perfectionism, must do it all, must be there for everyone, must solve the world's problems now.

 

Planning Saves Lives  

By nature, I’m a planner. I use a day planner - a paper one even. My notes and reminders app on my phone links to my calendar on my phone, which is synced to my work calendar. And I plan everything. It grants me instant visibility to my whole life so I don’t overbook myself, and I can see what’s family-related and work-related and I respect both calendars. One doesn’t override the other. I also share my calendar with my husband so he knows what I have going on and he does the same. If I know that I have to leave work early for school conferences or dinner with a friend I plan my day accordingly. This way when the event reminder pops up I’m not caught off guard or scrambling to tie up loose ends, causing me to leave late.

children posing on a picnic blanket

To ensure our mornings are as least stressful as possible as getting a 6-year-old, 2.5-year-old, and 9-month old out the door can be, I plan and prep the evening before. After dinner, we make lunches and put our lunch boxes in the fridge so we simply just have to grab and go. We also pick out our clothes the night before, pack workbags and backpacks and day bags as well. And, we set them by the door. Before going to bed my husband and I look at tomorrow’s calendar and make sure we have a plan – who’s getting the kids, who’s starting dinner, who’s running to swimming, who can toss in a load of wash. I’ve found that communication is an important part of executing your plans as you planned them! As long as we know what we each have going on.

When I get to the office before I open my email I make a list of things I need to do today – proof this document, schedule this meeting, review this report. By listing these as things I need to do, I won’t (most days) get sucked into the powerful vortex of email and neglect the other To-Dos. Once I have my list, I check my email, look for any critical ones that need to be addressed, add them to my To-Do list, and work down the list. I do NOT keep my email open every minute I am at work. It can be a distraction and although we think we can multi-task, let’s be honest you’re not giving anything 100 percent, it's more like a few things at 50 percent at best.

If you allow it, everything will be a fire and need your attention now. Find balance in what’s critical and what can wait. 

Even Wonder Woman Had a Sidekick

I am not naive to think that work life and home life have their scheduled hours – the 8 to 5's and 5-8's. If there are things from home that I need to take care of during business hours – schedule a furnace repair, schedule dentist appointments and oil changes and the list goes on ... I set aside a small chunk of time, yes on my calendar, to focus and get them done. When you try to sprinkle them throughout the day you either are multi-tasking again and something’s getting the short end of the stick or your wasting time back and forth and mental shifting. Ain’t nobody got time for that! The same goes for when you’re at home and you’ve got a presentation in the AM you have to finalize. Schedule (ok, so this I don’t put on my calendar) yourself some time, whether it’s after the kids are in bed or while your husband is doing baths and reading. They will not remember that one night that you didn’t read them. What they will remember and stay with them forever is how you gracefully managed life - keeping them clothed, fed, protected, and most importantly, loved.

And inevitably there will be times when you need five arms and 100 hours in the day and you still won't get it all done. That is OKAY. Life is not about doing it all; it’s about doing what you can and knowing you did your best. Confession: If it were not for my parents and those around us we would not survive. It’s not an easy thing to ask for help. Especially me! Independent, impatient, control freak ... the list goes on. It’s impossible to think that you are the only one capable of doing it all. Yes, they may not fold the bathroom towels like you do, and no they may not put their toys away as perfectly organized as you would have, and no they may not have wiped every single crumb off the table like you would have. But does that all really matter? No. It’s in our biology to want to help others. By simply telling others what you’re working on or what’s challenging you they will probably respond with let me know how I can help. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT! Let them proof your presentation, let them follow up with a team member on the status of a project, let them take the kids for an hour so you can grocery shop or do bills or paint your nails!

Kids build their perceptions of things at an early age. It's like when they fall off a swing or burn their tongue. They'll associate the playground or hot chocolate with pain and maybe fear. The same can be true for positive things in life. I want my daughters (and son) to see Mommy working. I want them to see me being happy with my family, and I want them to feel inspired and motivated to expect to have the same when they're older because it's their right and within their ability.  

It's 2017. I'm raising daughters. I'm not the first woman to work and raise a family. Hardly. But I still want to point out that I'm doing it, and I'm doing it for my girls in particular. I hope this blog inspires other women to continue to be unapologetic about how they manage life. To encourage conversations about balance - to question if it even exists - and to keep rockin' whatever it is that works for them!

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